Guess How Much TMZ Paid For That Leaked Solange-Jay Z Elevator Footage?

Today in celebrity gossip: TMZ paid A LOT of money for that infamous security camera footage,

What is money? Where does it come from and what is it worth and what are we even supposed to do with it? Sure, money is easier to comprehend when it comes in small increments. Like, I know that two bucks is worth about one and a half packs of Starbursts. But if we're talking about more than, say, 85 dollars cash American, that's not even an amount of money anymore, that's just a concept.
You know? Money is weird and it only gets weirder when there's a lot of it. But here is a story about a lot of money that you may find interesting, mostly because it involves Solange beating up Jay Z in an elevator. That whole incident came to light because some very unprofessional employee of The Standard Hotel in NYC held up a camera phone to a security monitor and the rest is TMZ click-bait history. First of all, just FYI, that very unprofessional employee was fired from The Standard, you should know that right now. Here's the hotel's official statement:

The Standard has identified the individual responsible for breaching the security policies of the hotel and recording the confidential CCTV video released by TMZ. The Standard has already terminated the individual and will now be pursuing all available civil and criminal remedies.

I don't think anybody will dispute that that employee deserved to be fired. But if you were that employee, exactly how much remorse could you possibly be feeling about your rule-floutin' considering you'd sold the footage to TMZ for $250,000? So yeah, strikethrough that earlier mention of "unprofessional" and write "enterprising" in its place. Was this act of footage-ganking immoral and shady? Yes, of course. Was it also maybe a modern-day Horatio Alger story about a quick-thinking rascal seizing an opportunity and walking away with cash-lined pockets? Yes as well. According to Page Six, this unnamed entrepreneur "shopped the footage around for five days before selling it to TMZ." Five days of making phone calls and then pulling in a quarter of a million dollars sure beats staring at security monitors for 6 years, right? Guys, look, I'm not endorsing breaking laws or defaming celebs or anything like that, but still. $250,000! That is SO MANY packs of Starburst. I'm honestly sort of impressed? Deal with it, Olivia Wilde.